Professional and comfortable environments

A successful mediation requires an environment that is as professional as it is practical. No, we're not going to have mediation at Chuck E. Cheese's, but neither are we going to hold the sessions in the chapel at a funeral home. Mediation requires physical as well as mental comfort. When people walk into my mediation room, I always invite them to sit wherever they'd like, on either of my two long couches or any of my three chairs. At least three-quarters of the time, they share the same couch. I call those people "couch sharers," and a mediation with couch sharers is almost always more successful than those who sit apart from each other. But if those same people walked into a conference table, they would almost invariably assume that they were to sit across from each other, in an adversarial confrontation.

The trappings of formality -- a water pitcher, some refreshments, and maybe a notepad -- are all you need. The rest comes easily, just as it should with a family discussion. People in a family solve problems in the living room or the kitchen. Homes don't have conference rooms. You don't go to the board room of your house to resolve an issue with your spouse or children. Neither should you resolve your divorce that way, if your goal is still to be a family even after the marriage ends.