It’s almost as bad to have an inconsistent parenting team as it is to have a consistently bad one. Beth was raised in a conservative home and she taught at an even more conservative school. In fact, the school had wacky rules about what the teachers had to agree not to do even in their non-work hours. How Beth even got hooked up with felon and drug-addict Art, I’m not sure, but she did.
12.
If you’re not on the same page as your spouse (or your ex-spouse), your children will either be confused or they will know exactly what to do—manipulate both of you while you point fingers at each other. Walt and Shirley completely disagreed, especially about the role of Walt’s new wife, Joanne.
13.
You will not accomplish getting your kids to hate one of their parents for the rest of their lives, so you should not even try to distance them from your spouse, no matter how upset you are. Martin pouted about Suzanne leaving him for another man, but he still committed himself to cooperating with her as a co-parent. Their children’s behavior was the best evidence that Martin and Suzanne were succeeding as a parenting team even though their marriage was strained.
a.
Just put out of your mind the idea that you I thought it was remarkable that Jim, a young man with an infant daughter, wanted to be such a prominent part of his child’s life. I also commended his wife Darlene for facilitating such a positive relationship between their daughter and both parents.
14.
If you don’t agree on your parenting styles, put the matter in the hands of a counselor or mediator who can give you some objective advice. It’s safe to say that Bobby and Vicky didn’t agree on their parenting styles, because their differences brought them to mediation with me. Each of them seemed to be rolling the dice, gambling that I would validate their perspective. If that was their objective, Bobby lost that crapshoot.
15.
Naming and blaming rarely accomplish much except a deflection of responsibility that results in no progress. Glenn and Judy had a destructive approach to parenting. It involved standing idly by as their children all became addicted to four substances each. They also blamed each other for the downfall of their family, though they were equally at fault.
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