Consider the financial, emotional, spiritual, and relational aspects of your marriage. The traditional notion of a pre-nup is, in the words of Portland television and radio personality Dave Anderson, “how much money you’re not going to get when you divorce.” But that oversimplification (and he said it in jest, anyway) misses at least two points. First, pre-nups don’t have to plan for divorce; they can fortify an existing or planned marriage and have it stay strong. If you have children, a marriage ought to be more like a purchase than a lease, figuratively speaking. Second, a child-centered pre-nup includes monetary decisions but is neither limited to finances nor focused on finances. Money may not the only important consideration in a marriage, but it is the most contentious, with child-related issues a close second. Unless you want to live in an unhappy marriage with your children caught in the middle, you best agree about finances.
In addition, you have to ask yourselves how you and your partner react to the stimuli of the world to determine whether you’re ready and compatible as parents. Having children forces you to expect the unexpected. Are you a screamer or are you on an even keel? Do you get wildly angry or does nothing ever bother you? When something amazingly good comes your way, are you ecstatic or is it no big deal? Beyond that, you have to determine where you fit in your partner’s life so that you can determine your children’s place in that person’s life and in your own.
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