Child-centered agreements, Part 2

Being a child-centered parent involves being committed to education and discipline. But wait—if you believe I’m talking about your kids’ education and discipline, I am not. I’m talking about yours. Many people investigate the options for a new car more thoroughly than they look into their compatibility with their spouse. It shouldn’t be easier to buy a handgun than it is to get a marriage license, but it is. The former has a three-day waiting period and a background check; the latter has neither. Child-centered marriage planning involves learning as much as you can, coming to agreements with your future spouse before you even tie the knot, or as soon as possible if you’re already married.

You can benefit from a child-centered approach even if you’re late in drafting an agreement. Married people as well as already-divorced parents can implement child-centered strategies. It is never too late to turn your life around, and the same goes for your parenting approach. I have successfully helped people before they even have children, those who are struggling in their current marriages, and those who are trying to pick up the pieces of a mess they made. Even if you have a 17-year-old who will be moving out in a year, wouldn’t you rather give that child at least one year of civility and predictability?

To this day, I am the only divorce mediator in Oregon to have made regular appearances on television, and to identify a child-centered approach as a focal point of my work. Because I thought even so-called experts were asking the wrong questions about divorce, focusing on the breakup of the home instead of the factors that brought the parents to that point, I had to take it into my own hands to emphasize the right aspects. You won’t get the right answers if you ask the wrong questions.