Encouraging positive self-esteem in mediation

I have never had a client who did not benefit from increased self-esteem. In fact, low self-esteem brings down any mediation in which it presents itself. An outside observer may be tempted to say, "If mediation isn't counseling, why does the mental state of the participants matter?" The primary answer I can give is that one's self-esteem determines how much that person trusts himself or herself to be able to live with other solutions besides the one or few that he or she has already dreamed up.

For example, if a formerly stay-at-home mom needs to go back to work to make ends meet, she may not believe that she has the skills or the desirability to market herself as a new entry into the job market. By convincing her that she does have marketable skills or that it won't be too burdensome to acquire those skills and that her ex-husband will assist her while she is doing so, a permanent problem has a more immediate solution. Such an arrangement also helps the husband, because instead of paying extra spousal support or child support when the wife decided she could not or did not want to work, his standard of living can increase along with hers because there will now be more money in the family. People will usually rise to the occasion when given the opportunity, as long as they believe they can.