Treating your kids as gifts instead of as possessions

1. Parenting time belongs to the child. Adults have already received what society expects them to have—the skills to leave the nest and fly on their own. Your children have not yet received that, and the time they spend with each of you is designed to benefit them, not you. The decision to obliterate the family unity was yours, not theirs, so don’t make it worse by hoarding parenting time that isn’t meant for your advantage anyway.

2. Your children will not be able to acquire new parents. The deplorable way that some parents behave, some kids wish they could trade in their parents, but they’ll never be able to. Your kids do not belong to you.

3. It may be best for you to have less than 50% parenting time. Often, the highest quality parenting time is around 35% of the overnights. Don’t assume the quality of your relationship with your children will suffer because you have less than equal parenting time. Equal parenting time rarely works well. It is appropriate only for that limited number of parents who can get along swimmingly.

4. Don’t do anything that would come between them and the other parent. You’re not as slick and smooth as you think. If you dare to try to drive a wedge between your children and your ex, your kids will know you alienated them from the other parent, and your efforts will backfire on you. Put in your divorce agreement your commitments about how you will regard the other parent around the kids.

5. Never use the words “my kids” or “The kids need me/their dad/their mom more.” Men and women are not biologically better parents because of their anatomy. The kids belong to both of you but are neither of your property. Pledge in your divorce agreement not to use that terminology.