Power struggles in divorce

1. The man does not control the finances. Every penny that you as Husband and Wife equally contributed to earning during the marriage belongs to both of you. If you are the lower-earning spouse, you have a right to get on your feet and have temporary support while you’re divorcing, and possibly ongoing support afterwards.
2. The woman does not control the kids. Parents are equal parents even though women have the uterus and even though many people delegate home responsibilities to the wife. There is nothing in the law that says that mothers are preferred for child custody because they’re women. Have as equal parenting time or contact with the children as your children’s ages and needs will allow. You are teaching your children how to be parents by your example. Your divorce agreement should pledge equality within practical limits so that the kids don’t learn that, if they ever divorce, one parent will be marginalized while the other assumes the primary caretaking role.
3. The fact that one parent refuses to leave does not have to mean that he or she will keep the house. You can petition a court to order one party to leave during the separation. It would be a terrible policy to reward an abusive or difficult person with the family home just for winning a game of chicken.
4. You do not have to negotiate your divorce by yourself or in the same room as your ex. Even a mediated divorce doesn’t have to take place without lawyers. And if you want to negotiate on your own but you can’t stand the sight of your spouse, you can negotiate in separate rooms or even on completely different meeting days.
5. One person’s personality, charm, or cunning will not necessarily work to that person’s advantage or disadvantage. A lawyer, judge or mediator has the job of seeing these cases every single day. That professional will see through the charades and it will either backfire on that spouse or will have no effect either way.