Making divorce a positive experience

1) Recognize that you can always be grateful to the other spouse for your kids. Even on the worst day of your marriage, you have precious children who would not be in your life but for the efforts of your soon-to-be ex. Temper your demonizing of your ex with a self-reminder that that person gave you many gifts along with the present grief. It might even be a good exercise to put that expression of gratitude in your divorce agreement.

2) Make a list of your concerns that you would like implemented in the agreement. For divorce to be smooth in the long term, both parents need to keep control of the process and bring their concerns to light. Filling out a bunch of forms and letting a lawyer treat you like a cookie-cutter case will only frustrate you.

3) Make your budgets from a needs-based perspective instead of a law-based perspective. Budgeting after divorce ought to be done just like budgeting during marriage. What do we need? What do we want? What can we afford? Seeking legal minimums and maximums will turn you against each other and away from your common purpose of caring for the children. Your detailed budget should be part of the agreement.