Making parenting time smooth for each parent

1. Should the children have a role in choosing whether to attend parenting time? Yes, they should have a role in choosing parenting time, but parents always have to remember that they pulled rank when they were married, and they need to pull rank even when they’re divorced, when they know what’s best for the kids. The kids should have a role in choosing the initial parenting time schedule and whether to modify it long-term, but choosing to skip, delay or shorten each visit on a case-by-case basis should not be an option. Allowing such will lead to manipulation and will result in a competition between the parents.

2. Where should exchanges of parenting time take place? Exchanges of parenting time should take place wherever it is smoothest and will not make the children feel like a financed vehicle being seized by the repo man. If that can be each parent’s home, terrific. If it has to be an alternate location, that’s fine as well. Another adult can even supervise the exchange if the mere sight or sound of the other parent will cause a reaction in one parent that will make the children uncomfortable.

3. What should each parent do to prepare the children for their time with the other parent? It’s only fair to the kids that all their stuff be packed and ready. If they are old enough to do this themselves, they should. If not, they deserve help. Ultimately, however, it falls to the parents to make sure the kids are ready, because if parents don’t ensure that readiness, they are creating a problem for their ex that will get that person’s parenting time off to a bad start, which will quickly trickle down to the children and ruin their time as well.

4. What happens when one parent misses his or her parenting time? Generally, we adopt the philosophy that “stuff happens.” You can’t always predict when certain events are going to come up. Mom might have to go out of town during her time, or Junior might have a sleepover or a Boy Scout trip during Dad’s time. Those things just fall where they may, and over the long haul, it tends to come out pretty evenly, so parents just have to forget about the little squabbles over 30 minutes here or a night there.