How can you agree on a value for a business that you own together if you are divorcing?

Determining the value of a business is one of the most difficult decisions a couple must make in a divorce. The reason that process is so difficult is that there is little to compare one business to the next. Evaluating a business is not like selling a home, where there might be a dozen in the same neighborhood with the identical condition and floor plan. With a business, you have several options, however. First, you can go to a business broker, whose function is similar to that of a real estate agent and who generally charges a similar fee structure. Second, you can call an accountant who can perform a basic analysis of your profit and loss statements and give you a ballpark figure. Third, and perhaps most expensively, you can commission a full business evaluation by a specially-trained accountant. Those evaluations can run more than $10,000.

How are personal care expenses addressed in child support and spousal support?

Child support and spousal support are meant to meet all the needs that the family may have, even though the reality can often be quite different. As you prepare your request or negotiations for spousal support and child support, you need to make sure that you have a detailed budget that includes every single penny that you spend each month. If you have left something out, you may not be asking for enough money to fund the proper lifestyle to which you have been accustomed. If you are planning to go to a high-end hair salon, get your nails manicured, or have your eyebrows waxed regularly, you must include those requests in your proposal and agreement.

Are things like landscape services essential expenses?

In terms of whether they are factored into the ordinary and customary spousal support and child support figures, probably not. Child support and spousal support don’t even incorporate what is needed, much less a bunch of extras. If such a service has always been a part of your lifestyle, it makes sense to continue it as a regular and customary expense. Also, if having that sort of hired help would assist you in preparing your home for sale, or if it is essential to have someone do those chores because your new status as a single parent leaves you with less free time, you can always include the amount in your budget and bring it up in your negotiations. Most of my clients are very reasonable with each other about the additional expenses they require as they transition from married to single life.

Getting credit after divorce

One of the smartest things you can do immediately, whether you're married, divorced, engaged, or happily single, is to establish credit accounts in your own name. Is this about helping you to have a credit card that you can run up without letting your spouse know about the purchases. No. Am I suggesting that you set yourself up to be able to flee your marriage on a moment's notice? No, not that either. The point of having your own credit is, I think, at least twofold. First, by keeping things separate, you have a better chance of keeping your credit cleaner if your spouse goes off the deep end and starts defaulting on bills. Second, you will be able to apply for credit for larger purchases such as a home mortgage or car loan. The biggest downfall of newly-divorced people is that they didn't consider how hard it would be to purchase a home or car without any of their own credit.

Divorcing when you have no assets

Keep in mind that although we speak of divorce lawyers as seemingly essential, but I beg to differ, anything a lawyer can do for you, you can also do for yourself. You never HAVE to pay a lawyer to do anything, although in many cases it may seem advisable. If you have no assets or very few (I define that threshold as under $10,000 in net worth), you may save yourself some time by going down to the courthouse and filing your own divorce. You may find that you don't need to use a mediator or a lawyer. If you have nothing you're fighting about and nothing and no one you're trying to protect, you probably don't have much to lose. Why dump $2,000 at a mediator's office or $5,000 or more at a lawyer's office when there's nothing at issue and it's just a matter of paperwork?

What needs to happen to people’s food and entertainment budgets post-divorce in most cases?

Usually, people's food and entertainment budgets go down somewhat in the aftermath of a divorce. That seems obvious. What may not be as self-evident is my recommendation that, if possible, you keep your food and entertainment expenditures close to what they were before the divorce. That way, you have kept continuity for your kids. Also, you may need, realistically, to eat out more frequently as you adjust to being a single parent. Obviously, your desire for convenience never trumps your kids' needs, but you may find yourself wanting to keep those convenience budgets intact. That said, a lot of people have become addicted to convenience products, particularly individually-packaged foods. I strongly believe that a box of Zip-loc bags and a big container of food bought in bulk will go a long way toward reining in the family food budget.

Does the difference in the value of the cars matter in divorce?

You need to look at the whole package. It may seem unfair that one spouse has a nicer car than the other. But it may also seem inappropriate that a large portion of one person's property in the asset division is tied up in the equity in a vehicle, which is sure to depreciate over the months and years. Normally, my clients and I make a spreadsheet of all their assets and liabilities. In that effort, a car that has a Kelley Blue Book value of $15,000 but has a $12,000 debt on it would be listed as a $3,000 asset. Once I have a list of all the assets and liabilities in one column, I convert the chart to two columns and start moving things from one spouse to the other until the total either balances equally or comes out to the percentages that the couple wants. That includes the value of the cars. Whatever the vehicles that each person is keeping are worth contributes to their total share of the assets and liabilities, so if they owe a lot of money on their vehicles, they won't factor as heavily into the division of property as if they were paid in full.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie, part 1

I have noticed in my reading and research that Madonna’s divorce from Guy Ritchie presents an amazingly compact nugget of family law information. Their situation presents an example from which to answer questions about divorce, if we assume the hypothetical that the divorce was here in Oregon. I hope you can see the same wealth of knowledge that this news story presents to me. I have used celebrity cases such as Alec Baldwin and Britney Spears to educate TV audiences about how “regular” divorces can parallel the issues that famous people also experience.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie have been married for 7 ½ years. In Oregon, does it matter how long you’ve been married in terms of figuring out what happens with your divorce? Yes, it matters to a degree. Usually, regardless of how long your marriage is, you keep half of what you both accumulated during the marriage. The length of the marriage affects the things you brought into the marriage. In Oregon, a short-term marriage is one less than five years. In a short-term marriage, you generally take half of the accumulation during the marriage and all of whatever you personally came in with. In a long-term marriage of more than nine years, you generally take an equal share of whatever you currently have, regardless of whatever you came in with. A mid-term marriage is between five and nine years, as Madonna and Guy have, and a mid-term marriage can be characterized either as short-term or long-term depending on the circumstances.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie, part 2

I have noticed in my reading and research that Madonna’s divorce from Guy Ritchie presents an amazingly compact nugget of family law information. Their situation presents an example from which to answer questions about divorce, if we assume the hypothetical that the divorce was here in Oregon. I hope you can see the same wealth of knowledge that this news story presents to me. I have used celebrity cases such as Alec Baldwin and Britney Spears to educate TV audiences about how “regular” divorces can parallel the issues that famous people also experience.

In Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s family, they have one biological child, one adopted child, and one child from her previous relationship. Are stepchildren, biological children, and adopted children treated three different ways by the court system? Stepchildren, unless they are adopted by the new spouse and the other biological parent has either given up his rights or has died, are not the subject of custody in a divorce. They remain in the custody of their biological parents. Adopted children are treated the same as biological children in a custody proceeding. A parenting time schedule is established for adopted children just as it would be for biological children, and decision-making power is given to one parent or the other (or to both parents if they agree).

Madonna and Guy Ritchie, part 3

I have noticed in my reading and research that Madonna’s divorce from Guy Ritchie presents an amazingly compact nugget of family law information. Their situation presents an example from which to answer questions about divorce, if we assume the hypothetical that the divorce was here in Oregon. I hope you can see the same wealth of knowledge that this news story presents to me. I have used celebrity cases such as Alec Baldwin and Britney Spears to educate TV audiences about how “regular” divorces can parallel the issues that famous people also experience.

At the time of their marriage, Madonna was far wealthier than Guy Ritchie, and she probably has made more money during her marriage than he has. How do those factors affect their divorce? If their divorce were in Oregon, it would seem unlikely that he would walk away with as much money as she walked away with, as they did not have a long-term marriage and she came in with far more money than he did. Also, she made most of her money before she met him; a smaller portion of her fortune has been earned since their marriage date. However, he is probably entitled to some of the money she has made because in Oregon it would be presumed that he contributed equally to acquiring it, and because he has gotten used to a lifestyle based on her higher income.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie, part 4

I have noticed in my reading and research that Madonna’s divorce from Guy Ritchie presents an amazingly compact nugget of family law information. Their situation presents an example from which to answer questions about divorce, if we assume the hypothetical that the divorce was here in Oregon. I hope you can see the same wealth of knowledge that this news story presents to me. I have used celebrity cases such as Alec Baldwin and Britney Spears to educate TV audiences about how “regular” divorces can parallel the issues that famous people also experience.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie have homes in two countries that are separated by an ocean. Can you move or travel with the kids wherever you want during and after the divorce? In Oregon, if you want to move more than 60 miles further distant from the other parent, you must give notice in writing at least 30 days prior to the move. That means that you can move farther, but you just need to give notice. There have been cases where the non-moving parent has contested the other parent’s right to move far away, but those cases are more and more often resolved in favor of allowing the parent to move. There is even case law where an Oregon judge allowed a mother to move with the kids to New Zealand. You can’t get much farther away than that. It is always at the discretion of the court, and the best interests of the child are considered.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie, Part 5

I have noticed in my reading and research that Madonna’s divorce from Guy Ritchie presents an amazingly compact nugget of family law information. Their situation presents an example from which to answer questions about divorce, if we assume the hypothetical that the divorce was here in Oregon. I hope you can see the same wealth of knowledge that this news story presents to me. I have used celebrity cases such as Alec Baldwin and Britney Spears to educate TV audiences about how “regular” divorces can parallel the issues that famous people also experience.

What do you do if, as is true for Madonna and Guy Ritchie, the cost of affording your lifestyle is greater than the child support and spousal support payments that would be typical? Even for less wealthy couples, such as the vast majority of the population, child support is ridiculously low. You can submit a request to the court for a higher amount based on a budget that you also submit, showing your greater needs and the time you have enjoyed that lifestyle. The more common way to receive greater child support or spousal support is simply to agree to it privately and then write it into your agreement. You don’t need a judge to order it, but a court is one way to get to that outcome if private negotiations fail.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie, part 6

I have noticed in my reading and research that Madonna’s divorce from Guy Ritchie presents an amazingly compact nugget of family law information. Their situation presents an example from which to answer questions about divorce, if we assume the hypothetical that the divorce was here in Oregon. I hope you can see the same wealth of knowledge that this news story presents to me. I have used celebrity cases such as Alec Baldwin and Britney Spears to educate TV audiences about how “regular” divorces can parallel the issues that famous people also experience.

6) Would you expect that Guy Ritchie will receive spousal support from Madonna, and how is spousal support figured? No, I would not expect that he would. Even though he is not as high an income-earner as she is, he is still fully self-sufficient. Self-sufficiency is the standard for spousal support. Guy will be able to afford even a very affluent lifestyle on his own income and on the investment income from the lump sum he is likely to receive from Madonna. Also, he was wealthy before he met her and he enjoyed a high standard of living even before the marriage, so he likely does not need her to supplement him after the marriage in order to maintain the same lifestyle he enjoyed before and during the marriage.

If one parent has heightened medical, psychological, or financial needs, does that circumstance influence the payment of support?

Yes. The child support guidelines and spousal support principles assume that people follow the norm. Not every family does. Not every family can. For example, the child support guidelines presume that each parent is capable of making at least minimum wage. However, if the parent has developmental or physical disabilities, this may not be possible. Similarly, if a child has high needs, that parent may not financially be able to be away from the child if the parent needs to be the one providing constant care. A parent may also have a temporary or even a permanent psychological disability. If so, the expectation that he or she work and support himself or herself may not be realistic. In each special case, the circumstances are evaluated to determine the proper course of action and what will yield a just and equitable resolution.

What if one parent wants to move into a brand-new house and the other parent can only afford something smaller?

The state's philosophy, as well as an approach that passes the common-sense test, is that both parents should have a stable and reasonably self-sufficient lifestyle after the divorce. Does that mean necessarily an equal lifestyle? No, it does not. Once you divide your assets fairly (which usually means equally, depending on the length of the marriage and other factors) and establish a fair spousal support and child support schedule, it doesn't matter who does what with that person's own money.

With that said, I still think it's important for both parents to live reasonably equally in the immediate aftermath of the divorce, so that the kids don't notice a disparity and so that they can continue their established lifestyle. If one parent has the resources to create a fabulous home that the kids gravitate toward, it may weaken the credibility of the other parent and place the kids in an awkward position.

Do you need a professional appraiser to value your items before you divorce?

In divorce, you can be as precise or as vague as you wish. You don't have to identify every asset down to the penny, but you certainly can if you want. Usually, people use their own sense of fairness and what they know about their own property to value their items. Whether you use the new price, or more commonly, the garage sale price, to determine the value of the items each of you will be carrying away after the divorce, just be consistent across the board.

If you do need a professional appraisal, my office supplies recommendations to appraisers whom I know and trust. An appraisal for a piece of residential real estate, for example, tends to cost about $350 to $450, depending on the complexity that you desire.

Is a house preferable to an apartment, post-divorce?

It depends what you are trying to achieve. Obviously, if safety and immediacy are issues, an apartment may be a good option because it is easier to get into one quickly. A house may take months to purchase. Renting a house is also a fine option for many people. The problem that I generally see in my practice comes up when the lesser-earning spouse faces the question of “If I don’t buy another house now, I won’t ever be able to own one again.” Buying a house while you still have the income of the other parent to bolster your loan chances is often a smart thing to do. The only trouble arises when you try to get the loan transferred to your name only, and the bank may not go for it because they don’t want to remove their ability to collect from the more well-off spouse in the event that you default.

For a lot of reasons, having a house – whether it is rented or owned – is the preferred choice. Enjoying a yard, having the ability to keep pets, and being in somewhat more open quarters so as not to disturb your neighbors with your every sound are reasons that support living in a detached house instead of an apartment. However, the rent on an apartment is often lower than a house because most apartments are smaller than most houses.

Does the ability to take care of a pet factor into the amount of support or the type of residence where people live after the divorce?

Let me start by stepping onto my soap box for a moment to complain about how inadequate child support almost always is and how excessive spousal support often is. With that said, the normal guidelines don't seem to encompass even the regular and customary expenses for human beings, so it would stand to reason that the extras such as pets would not make it into the budget, at least not the one that the state has cobbled together. If you have extra expenses such as a pet or any other, I advocate using a "needs-based" approach to determining spousal support and child support. Figure out what money is available between the two spouses and determine how it should be allocated to each of them according to their needs. Particularly if the kids have become attached to their pets, keeping those pets should remain a high priority as it relates to the stability of the kids. Yes, it costs money to have a pet, and yes, it means you can't be as picky about where you live and you may spend more for a pet-friendly dwelling, but you owe your kids a reasonable continuation of the lives they always knew.

How do you divide household goods, especially those with investment value or sentimental value?

The typical way to make an agreement about household goods is to be able to say that at the time of the finalization of the divorce, the husband will take all the household goods then in his possession, and the wife will do the same with the household goods she has. If you can't agree on the values of the items, you can do one of two things. First, you can get a professional appraiser to value each of them. Second, and probably more practically, you can go through the house and each select one at a time until every single thing is gone. Yes, it seems a bit like picking a basketball team on the third-grade playground, but the simplest approaches are often the most effective. With regard to sentimentality, a family heirloom may be very important to one party but not to the other, and the party may accept far less monetary value in exchange for having that item.

What is the Disneyland Dad syndrome?

The Disneyland Dad syndrome is the phenomenon that has the non-custodial parent, usually the father, seeing the kids so infrequently that when he does, he feels the need to impress them with fun, exciting, and expensive opportunities. It transforms him from a parent into an entertainer, and it actually weakens the relationship between his kids and him, rather than his implied goal of strengthening it. The kids don't get to spend authentic time with that parent, because he's going 100 miles an hour to try to get on their good side.

My solutions to this problem are to have as equal a parenting schedule as possible without damaging the kids' routines or the parents' need for stability and to earn their livings. Sometimes, it is also helpful to include in your divorce agreement how much you will be spending on the children for birthdays, holidays, and regular entertainment.

How is it appropriate to be involved with your ex’s family after the divorce?

Your kids need to understand that divorce ends a marriage but not a family. The family members whom they enjoyed for many years at holiday gatherings and family reunions should still remain part of their lives and both of yours, even as the family has reconstituted itself after the end of the marriage. I would hope that your ex-in-laws would feel the same way I do about retaining those familial ties. If a loved one from your ex's side of the family gets married, has a grandchild, or passes away, I think it's entirely appropriate (within the context of how nice or how toxic your divorce has been, of course) for you to acknowledge those events with your presence. It will show your children that you value the time you spent married to their other parent enough to continue to respect that family's members.

How do you determine who is going to pay for what expenses if the kids spend equal or substantial time with each parent?

That is an excellent question that has come up more and more frequently in recent years and decades since the "every other weekend" model stopped being the only parenting schedule we knew how to use. Before, one parent spent the vast majority of the time with the kids, so that parent always purchased anything that wasn't a day-to-day expense such as food or utilities. Now, however, kids spend time during the school week at the non-custodial parent's house, far more than four nights a month. The "let me write a child support check and then you take everything out of that" approach no longer works, yet it is still used in most cases because the lawyers and the parties are often not thinking about the long-term effects of vagueness. It is best to delineate in your divorce agreement who will pay what share of the following types of expenses: clothing, school fees, extracurricular fees, sports costs, photographs, travel, field trip fees, lessons, tutoring, and the like.

How do you handle the children’s toys that are too big to move from one house to each other routinely?

You can keep big items such as ATVs or the hot tub at one home or the other. The only major risk you run is that you don't want one house to be Club Med while the other is totally boring. Your kids will be tempted--regardless of what you say about how well-adjusted they are--to gravitate toward the home that is the most fun. In this case, we're talking about the fun items that may be placed at one home or the other, but that same rationale extends to the discipline methods, bedtime, diet, and privileges. Deciding where to allocate the toys as a matter of asset division in the divorce is one question; how to allocate them so that they don’t present an unintended problem for the parenting schedule is quite another.

How do you handle improvements to your home before you sell, even if one parent has moved out?

Most of my clients treat their home as the joint venture that it always has been, even after they have separated. If you are selling a home, particularly in this depressed real estate market that we have been in for the past several years that shows no signs of improving soon, you may need to dump some money into your home before you sell. After consulting with a qualified real estate agent or appraiser (and I can provide resources for both if you need them), you should either share equally in those expenses or have one person "lend" the household the money, to be repaid when the sale of the house closes and you receive the resulting equity.

What dirt can you dig up on your spouse or vice-versa?

Let me preface my answer by saying that I do not encourage people to dig up dirt on their spouses, nor do most of my clients engage in that kind of mudslinging. However, the income, personal choices, relationships, medical history, psychological history, spending habits, addictions, substance abuse, and many other aspects of a person's life can be relevant to determine how fit he or she is as a parent. You need to remember that those factors are primarily relevant to the issue of child custody and parenting time, if they are even pertinent at all. The sensational celebrity custody fights really don't play themselves out all that often in real life.

How public are the records in your divorce?

Your divorce is generally part of a public record. That means that most anything in the divorce agreement or in the court filings or orders are visible to the public who may search for it. In my mediation reports, I usually ask both parties to agree that they will not have me include things about the parties' medical history or psychological history. I would not want someone who later examined the document to be prejudiced against the parties for a private matter that they have since resolved. Also, in the age of identity theft, it is unwise to include your driver's license or Social Security number as part of the documentation unless it is specifically requested by the court. In Oregon, those private details are sealed from disclosure, but if you are inquiring about a state that may not have those protections, you will need to ascertain the requirements as well as the safeguards before you choose your course of action.

This is our first set of holidays after our divorce. What can we expect our kids to be concerned about?

Children of divorce regularly reverse roles. I can remember two kids, Hannah and Jordan, who were worried that while they were with one parent, the other would be alone. You can reassure them that the holidays are for them to enjoy and you will be able to take care of yourselves as adults and will see them frequently during the holidays, even if not every minute. They may also worry about what the divorce will do to the holiday gift budget. If you are fair and equal with your gift-giving, I don’t think your kids will remember in January what they got for Christmas. But if you overspend, you will certainly remember because you’ll still be paying off the bills. The kids will remember how they felt on the holidays more than what they got.

How do we divide the holidays fairly and with the most respect to our children?

You want to be very sure that your parenting schedule during the holidays makes both of you seem equal and important in the kids’ eyes. If you celebrate Christmas, you can divide Christmas Eve and Christmas Day into two equal periods and give one parent first choice in even-numbered years and the other parent first choice in odd-numbered years. Holidays can also be divided in such a way that you spend parts of each important day with each parent—who doesn’t like two Thanksgiving dinners in the same day?

Should we celebrate together the first year?

Maybe, depending on your situation—both what your kids want and what you’re able to achieve without a problem. If you can get along civilly with your ex, as most people can, it’s fine to celebrate holidays together. It doesn’t have to be every minute of the holidays, but enough to make your kids see that you are committed to being a family even though you aren’t spouses. The only downside is that if you are too friendly with your spouse, you run a small risk of having your kids wonder why you’re divorced or whether you’ll soon be getting back together. Usually, especially with school-age and teenage kids, this concern is usually very minor compared to all the benefits of celebrating together, but it’s something to think about. You need to remember that after a divorce, your kids will usually love both of you far more than you love each other, so your perception of tension or problems may be in your head but not an issue for your kids.

If we’ve been divorced for a while, is it bad to continue celebrating holidays together?

You need to examine your own situation. If it’s not confusing to the kids, as it probably is not, especially after a longer period of doing it, there is probably nothing wrong with continuing. Where it gets a bit difficult is when a new partner has entered the picture and may not want to hang out with the ex or the ex may not want to be around the new partner, especially if the ex doesn’t have a new partner of his or her own yet. However, I still say that holidays are about the kids and preserving their routine, and if the adults are uncomfortable initially, they need to be the mature ones and do the right thing even when they don’t feel like it.

How is it best to handle buying gifts?

It’s often a good idea to agree in advance about how much money you will spend on the children for their holiday gifts. That way, neither parent will be able to manipulate the kids with an expensive present, and neither parent will feel the need to compete with the other. Also, collaborating with your ex will avoid each of you purchasing the same items. And if you have to cut back on your holiday budget, don’t worry about it too much. My mom would routinely announce, “It’s going to be a low-key Christmas this year.” I never felt slighted. What we did as a family was more significant than the gifts we unwrapped. When money is tight in a bad economy and in the aftermath of a recent divorce, don’t exceed your financial means—there’s no point.

A few more health insurance and reimbursement questions answered

1) What if the health insurance plan that my spouse wants to enroll the children in is of a lesser quality than the one we had before? You would be wise to agree in advance on what company will be the servicer of the insurance plan. Many employers have several plans from which to choose. You will need to know the benefit schedule for the insurance plan that you are considering, so that you don’t make the mistake of choosing the cheapest plan, only to find out later that the out-of-pocket costs actually make your total expense even higher than it used to be. Agreeing on who will pay for the plan and what plan it will be and what that plan covers are essential decisions to make BEFORE you divorce.

2) What if the health plan does not cover the types of services that I want or need? You will need an agreement in advance about the types of medical procedures that your policy allows, and the way that you will handle unreimbursed expenses. For example, does your plan cover acupuncture? If so, is it an in-network or out-of-network benefit? If not, what are the out-of-pocket costs for people without insurance? Are you comfortable sharing those costs in the same proportion that you share other unreimbursed medical expenses? You need to have this discussion for chiropractic, orthodontia, plastic surgery, vitamins, herbal supplements, natural medicine, and other special services before you just expect the other parent to understand that you require reimbursement. Sometimes, you will find that paying out-of-pocket for the occasional use of those services is more cost-effective than buying a more expensive plan that includes them as benefits.

A couple of frequently asked questions about adoption and divorce

1) Do adopted children have any different rights from those of natural-born children? No. A parent is a parent if the parent has parental rights, regardless of when or how the parent acquired those rights. Adopted children are treated just as natural-born children are treated in the eyes of the law.

2) Do adopted children tend to have a harder time adjusting to divorce? Some people would argue that adopted children are used to change, so this change is “par for the course.” I strongly disagree, although I can vaguely see the logic of that argument. I take the opposite view as a family and divorce mediator. I think that if a child has been put through enough traumatic changes already in his or her life, why add one more hardship? I work with my clients promote stability and permanency, so they can avoid any perception of abandonment.

Mediator Matthew's October Divorce Speech

From about October 1 until the end of the year, divorcing families have to take a good, hard look at the choices they will make about their taxes for the coming year. You must be married as of December 31 of a given tax year to file your taxes as a married couple. This is the time of year when it is especially important to consider the tax consequences of your divorce, and to meet with the appropriate tax professionals, whether a tax preparer, a Certified Public Accountant, or a tax attorney.

Several big issues tend to come up at this time of year, particularly in families where there is a large disparity between the incomes of the husband and the wife. First, if the higher-income earner has had his or her income deductions figured throughout the year based on the assumption of filing jointly, his or her tax may be significantly higher at the end of the year when filing individually. Not enough tax may have been withheld throughout the year, and that higher income-earner may be hit with a big tax bill on April 15.

The second way that the higher income-earner may be affected adversely is if he or she has claimed the children as dependents for his or her withholdings throughout the year. If the lower income-earner has more parenting time than the higher-income earner, the lower income-earner will be the one who has a the legal right to claim the children as dependency exemptions unless both the husband and the wife make an agreement to the contrary. In that case, the proper amount of tax probably was not withheld throughout the year, and the higher income-earner will again face an increased tax bill.

Many of my clients choose to file jointly for the current year and finalize the divorce sometime the following year. What you do is up to you and your tax professional to figure out, and the comments I’ve made above may or may not apply to you, depending on the particular details of your situation.

"Visitation" and "parenting time" are the same thing, right?

No. Oregon uses a more child-friendly terminology. Parenting time refers to the blocks of time that either parent spends with the child. This distinction is very important to me and to my clients, because I emphasize that neither of the parents is a visitor. Instead, both are parents with equal obligations (and often equal rights) as parents.

Visitation is, as the name suggests, a "visit" with someone such as a grandparent or other relative, friend, or acquaintance. It is critical to use the proper wording because calling the parenting time a "visit" marginalizes the children's attachment to that parent and it gives the parents some license to push themselves away from each other.

TIP: Catch yourself when you refer to the time your children spend with you or your ex as a "visit." Your children visit with the dentist or a math tutor, not with their other parent.

Do I have any custody rights over my adult child?

Generally not. The court cannot award custody of any child once that child has reached the age of 18. However, as a landlord or as a continuing contributor to your children, you can enforce any reasonable obligation in exchange for your doing more than the law requires of you. For example, if you pay only the minimum child support required by law, you will not be able to enforce any additional conditions against your children. However, if you pay more child support or pay for a longer period of time than the law would compel you, you may demand concessions from your children in exchange for that consideration.