Family Time with Your Kids and Your Ex

In a May 22, 2009 article, actress Denise Richards is interviewed about the dinner she recently had with her ex-husband, Charlie Sheen, their two daughters, Sheen’s new wife, Brooke Mueller, and the twin boys of Sheen and Mueller. It had seemed to many observers that Sheen and Richards could not stand the sight of each other and could not bear to be within earshot of each other.

However, Richards visit with Sheen demonstrates several healthy principles of co-parenting after divorce. It allowed their children to see that they still got along and could be civil to each other. Children are the link that binds a husband and wife together, even after they have divorced. Parents may not always be spouses, but they will always be parents if they have children in common. Spouses can be divorced from each other, but parents are never divorced from their children. My mom has always been able to tell my sister and me with a straight face that she will always love my dad because he gave her the two things most precious to her.

The only drawback to a visit such as the one Sheen and Richards had is one that can easily be managed and avoided. After you’ve gone through a divorce, particularly one as contentious as the one Sheen and Richards endured several years ago, you don’t want to send your kids the conflicting messages of “we’re divorced” and “we hang out together.” You need to make sure it’s clear that you are divorced and will stay that way, but that you can also do things as a family from time to time. If the kids were a little other than Sheen’s and Richards’ kids were at the time of the divorce, they might wonder, “Why did you put us through the trauma of a divorce if you don’t have any trouble getting along?” Obviously, that’s an oversimplification in adult terms, but it may be exactly what’s running through a kid’s mind.

All in all, I’m a huge proponent of children getting to spend family time with both parents as often as it makes sense, so I think it was very big of Sheen and Richards to put their children’s happiness ahead of whatever animosity they still harbor against each other.